


I'm Not Going Anywhere (I Don't Have a Choice)

by Moroi_Princess (mattie24601)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, F/F, Genderfluid Character, High School Theater, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Other, bi character, light teen angst, very queer high school story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:54:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21734842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mattie24601/pseuds/Moroi_Princess
Summary: Cam doesn't want or need a new friend. She's perfectly content with the friends she has, but they're graduating and leaving her behind. Dylan is trying to make new friends but it's not that easy. They live halfway across the country from each other and would have never met if they didn't get paired for a pen pal project. Cam is less than thrilled, but maybe this whole project won't be so bad after all.
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

9/4

To: Lucy  
10:45: lucy  
Lucy  
10:46: L u c y  
L U C Y  
To: D  
10:48: D, we’re both in class  
To: Lucy  
so, i’m bored  
To: D  
10:50: Just because you can text doesn’t mean I can  
To: Lucy  
10:52: fine  
11:46: are you out of class yet  
To: D  
11:47: You know I am  
To: Lucy  
can i call you  
To: D  
11:48: Yeah, lunch is still for another 20 min

I pull out my phone and dial Lucy’s number. Lucy is my partner, I’m aromantic which means that I don’t experience romantic attraction, we’re non-romantic more than platonic partners. Even before the first ring has ended she’s picking up on the other end.

“Hi.”

“Hey, how’s school going?” why does she always do this, she’s my favorite person but sometimes I swear she annoys me on purpose.

“Uchh, I didn’t call you to talk about school, besides it’s the second day, there’s nothing to tell, aside from Morgan being more annoying than normal,” the last part in directed at the person in question as he walks up. Morgan is my best friend, he grew up down the street from me. Showing his oh so mature junior personality he sticks his tongue out at me.

“He just walked up didn’t he?”

“No...” my voice going up giving away my blatant lie that she would have seen through anyway.

“Dylan...” Lucy sounds exasperated, she knows we fight like siblings and she is definitely the mom friend.

“Fine, yes but he’s so fun to tease.”

“Whatever tell him I say hi.”

I look back up at him to find he’s put his tongue back in his mouth but now he’s glaring at me, “I was going to tell you what Lucy said but not if you’re going to glare at me.”

“You know, you wouldn’t even know Lucy if it wasn’t for me,” Morgan tells me which I’m trying to hear over Lucy saying “You should be nicer to Morgan, he’s the reason we met.”

“Yeah, yeah so you’ve mentioned,” responding to both of them at the same time before putting the phone on speaker so that we can both talk to her. Morgan and Lucy’s parents have been friends since forever, Lucy’s a year older than us so she’s a senior this year.

“Hey Luce, when are you coming for a visit, Dylan’s starting to get weird without you.”

“I am not, I just miss her,” and sometimes my missing her manifests in my shutting out the world but it’s fine, I’m fine.

I guess I said the last part out loud because then Lucy’s saying, “If you’re so fine why have I gotten worried calls from both your mom and Grey?”

“That was one night, it was the end of an off day and as much as I love the cats they can’t replace you.”

“Okay, this is turning into a just you two conversation, I’m going to the library, D come find me when Lucy’s lunch ends.”

“Bye Morgan.”

“Bye,” I pick up the phone to continue our conversation.

“You could have called D, that’s our thing, we call each other and we talk.”

“I know but it-it was late and-”

“Don’t you start with that bullshit, that’s a shitty reason and you know it, what’s the real reason?”

“I started to-to spiral, thinking about us and me and I didn’t know how to put it into-into words and the cats just let me cuddle with them and I don’t need to talk, I’ll call you next time.”

“Thank you, and even if you just want me to talk and you don’t want to say anything that’s fine. Even if you just want to FaceTime quietly that’s fine.”

“Thank you, and hey Mom said I can come visit next weekend as long as I do my homework at your house, and she already checked with your parents,” I say cutting her off before she has a chance to ask the next question.

“Good, it’s been too long, I know I don’t say it much but I miss you, but it’s my last year, I should have more time once college starts.”

“I thought you were going out of state,” she had told me about going to Philly for the University of the Arts.

“That’s still the plan, but I’m going to a community college first. It’s cheaper plus I get to stay closer to you.”

“I’m not the reason you’re staying though right?” I don’t want to be that person I don’t want her to stay behind just for me.

“Well you are part of it, but I was already considering it, trust me, you are not the main reason. Lunch is almost over but we’ll talk tomorrow?”

“Yeah, see you next weekend.”

“See you then,” Lucy hangs up first, she knows if it were up to me we would never get off the phone. I still have another five minutes of lunch so I go find Morgan.

When I find him in the library the bell is about to ring, “Thank you for leaving us alone, I know you probably want to talk to her too.”

“Nah, I get it, I’ll call her later and tell her everything you won’t.”

“Oh yeah, like what?” I’m pretty open in my life, I tell Lucy everything.

“Like how you’ve been hit on three times this week and it’s only the second day. I’m pretty sure Max wants to ask you out, she’s had a crush on you since like January.”

“What no, no one ever hits on me,” or maybe they do and I’ve just never noticed.

“Oh, Dylan, you are so oblivious.”

“Whatever, we’ll talk later, right now I have English.”

Morgan is my ride to school and home, I don’t drive and he lives down the street, plus I give him gas money. We decided to meet at my class because I take forever to pack up. It’s only been a couple of days but it seems to be going pretty well. Grey likes it because he doesn’t have to come pick me up. Grey is my brother, he’s a freshman in college this year but he’s still living at home.

Lucy moved when she started high school. She wanted to go to a fancy performing arts school in Denver, she’s always been really into dance and theatre. She left me and Morgan in Avon. Once a month we would plan a visit though, either Lucy coming back here or us going out to the city. Lucy was the first person I came out as aromantic to, so far it’s still only her and Morgan that know. Lucy did all kinds of research and told me about platonic relationships and then she asked me out.

We’ve been together for about six months, since then we’ve been trying to meet up every weekend but towards the end of summer we both got really busy and I haven’t seen her in over a month, and I still have to wait another week.

Having school start after Labor Day is nice because we get a longer summer but Lucy’s school started a few weeks ago. But it’s almost the weekend which means I just have one more week until I get to see Lucy.

9/7

Friday Mr. Johnston, my English teacher, assigns us pen pal letters to a school in California. I’m excited, it's a way for me to make a new friend without having to actually talk to someone. I hope whoever I’m paired with wants to do this as much as I do.

8/22

Uhh, school is starting again. I just have to make it two more years and then I’m out of this hell hole. Roza’s lucky, she only has one more year. I try to keep to myself as much as possible but I’m friends with Roza’s friends. They’re all seniors too though which means I’m going to be all alone next year. Roza’s been my girlfriend for almost a year. I started hanging out with her friends when we got together. I’m not sure they liked me all that much though. They’ve started to like me more once they got to know me. Lena already kind of knew me because we had drama together, I’m an introvert you likes theater, sue me. Raven and Hunter I don’t think ever disliked me, but they distrusted me for a couple months, probably because I was a new person in their friend group dating their friend. Jason took the longest, I think he used to have a crush on Roza which bled into his dislike of me.

The first day is always boring teachers reading the same fucking syllabus 10 other teachers have, “no phones, no food, no talking while I’m talking,” they really need to get more creative. The syllabus takes up most of the class and the rest is “Getting to know you” activities. They’re always either, stand up, say your name and a fun fact about yourself or a piece of paper you take around and have classmates fill out. I find both trivial, I’m not going to remember any of these people after high school. I don’t want to be friends with them and I don’t think any of them want to be friends with me.

Finally it’s lunch and I can finally see the people I want to see. I get to out table first claiming it away from the freshman I saw walking toward it, looking as intimidating and unapproachable as possible to keep them from getting closer. Roza and the rest of them have had this table since their freshman year, it’s unofficially their and now my table.

“Hey Cam,” I look up to see Lena walking toward me.

“Hey Leen, you’re still in Drama this year right?”

“Yeah,” she rolls her eyes, “you don’t check the group chat do you, we all sent out schedules there.”

“No, I muted it, you guys were all talking about senior stuff, shouldn’t you have been able to figure out I hadn’t checked it when I didn’t send _my_ schedule.” I don’t like being reminded they’re all going to leave me next year.

“Here, let me see your schedule, I’ll see if you have classes with anyone else,” as I’m handing her my phone Jason and Hunter walk over together, I’m assuming their last class was either the same or at least near each other.

“Hey, does anyone know where my girlfriend is?”

“Behind you,” I hear as two hands land on my shoulders. I tilt my head back to accept her kiss. “Did you really not check the group chat?”

“No, Cam didn’t want to be sad,” Lena replies for me.  
“Well you have the whole school year plus summer to be sad, anyway my class is on the other side of campus,” Roza slides onto the bench next to me. I put my head on her shoulder and take my phone back from Lena who has declared that I share my history class with Raven along with drama with her.

About half-way through lunch Raven still hasn’t shown up, “Has anyone seen our resident bird?” Jason asks.

“She was in second period but I think she has fourth off, she might still be off campus,” Hunter answers back. “Actually, there she is,” Hunter calls as they see Raven walking over.

“I saw you like an hour ago, chill, let everyone else say hi,” Raven admonishes them.

“Hey Birdie,” I pick my head up to greet her, last year Raven told us that she used to hate having been named after a bird and now 2/3 of her nicknames are bird based.

“Hey Cam, what classes do you have this semester?”

“I have physics with Felix, German, English with Jacobs, pre-calc with Harris, US History with Amren, and Drama.

“Hey Rose, didn’t you have Jacobs last year?” Lena asks her.

“Yeah, she’s the one that does the letters that everybody hates, I liked it though, I really liked the girl I was partnered with, we still text sometimes.”

“Uhh, Jacobs is the one who does that, I hate her class already.”

“Wait back up, Cam, what period do you have history?”

“I have it with you Birdie, we went over this while you were still getting food, Lena has to share me this year.”

After lunch is over Raven and I walk to class and I ask her why she’s taking a junior class as a senior. I know she’s too smart to have failed it. She tells me there were more interesting classes. I might actually like this class, at the very least I have a partner for group projects.

When I meet up with Lena we walk to the theater and speculate about what the play will be this year. Last year it was _Peter and the Starcatcher_. Our drama teacher is weird, but then again aren’t all drama teachers. Every semester on the first Monday she’ll leave something on the stage and have us guess what the show will be. She left objects from _Peter Pan_ characters on the stage last year, which was confusing because we knew that _Peter Pan_ is a musical, but the really cool thing was that _Peter and the Starcatcher_ started here in the La Jolla Playhouse, but for _In the Heights_ it was a can of spray paint next to a reusable grocery bag of money. That one took us almost the entire period to get.

After school the six of us sit out front, Hunter still doesn’t drive yet so we wait for their parents to come pick them up and Lena walks out to the bus stop while the rest of us walk out to our cars. Jason has first off so he’s all the way at the back of the lot. Raven’s parked near him since she left and came back, Roza gets here super early so she has a close spot and I’m somewhere in the middle. Roza walks me to my car, I lean against the driver’s side door and Roza walks toward me. I tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear and she leans down to kiss me. We both hear Raven wolf whistle from her car and I flip her off.

Roza leans back, “Our friends are idiots but I love them,” I tell her.

“I love _you_ ,” she punctuates her statement with another kiss, “See you tomorrow?” Roza phrases it as a question even though we both know it’s a statement.

I hum an agreement and tell her I love her too.

8/24

Friday Ms. Jacobs tells us about the letters I already knew about on Tuesday. I tune out most of her explanation and jot down what we’re supposed to include in the letter, basic info about our lives, name, family, friends, classes we’re in. She gives us some time in class to start our letters, we’re going to send ours first because our school year started first, _so_ not fair. Ms. Jacobs tells us to have our first letter done by Monday.

Dear Pen-Pal, Aug 24

I don’t want to write this letter, I’m being forced to for a grade. My name is Cam, I have an older sister, Sara, she’s in college, it’s her first year. My mom is an auto mechanic, she works at a garage in the city, Dad is a 4th grade teacher. Roza is my girlfriend, I’ll probably talk about her a lot. I met the rest of my friends through her, they’re all seniors though so I’m going to miss them next year. I share classes with Lena and Raven. Jason and Hunter are the other two, I think Hunter and Raven had a thing over the summer but they might just be more flirty than normal. This year I have physics, German, English which hopefully you figured out since I’m writing this letter, pre-calc, U.S. History which I share with Rae and Drama which I share with Lena.

-Cam.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dylan's first letter and Cam auditions for the school play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I meant to update weekly until I ran out of chapters but I went on a little road trip with some friends. I will hopefully be updating weekly for the next few weeks while I have chapters pre-written.

9/7

The school in California starts school in August which is weird. Mr. Johnston told us that they wrote to us first, because of that he gives us our first letters as we're leaving, we've been matched up based on reported gender which I guess makes sense.

Morgan also has Mr. Johnston but he has him last. Morgan is already outside my history class with his letter, not even a minute after the bell rings. He's been acting weird all day and now he's practically buzzing with energy. He almost skips into the classroom.

"Morgan, what is going on with you, you look like you're going to spontaneously combust."

"Huh, no I'm fine, just excited for the weekend," he tells me, I don't believe him but I'm excited to go home and read my letter.

"Whatever, come on, let's go."

"You're telling me, I'm waiting on you," he argues.

He's right, some of my stuff still isn't packed up. Finally we make it out to the parking lot, we're almost at his car when I hear someone call my name, I looked around for a second trying to locate where it came from. After not finding it, I turned back to Morgan, after I heard it again Morgan points to someone in the back corner of the lot.

"Lucy! Bye Morgan, see you Monday," by the time I've yelled that last part at Morgan I'm already halfway across the lot, running at her. I'll probably trip but I don't really care.

She caught me before I could knock her over, "finally noticed me did you? I was wondering what it would take. What were you talking about?"

"We got pen-pal letters today, I haven't had a chance to read mine yet and neither has Morgan so we were speculating about our California partners. Better question what are you doing here?" I speed through my explanation because I'm so excited to see her that she has to ask me to repeat is slower. Usually she can understand my faster than average speaking but it's even faster than my normal talking speed.

"School isn't crazy yet and when your mom called, my dad asked if I could come out here."

"I'm glad you're here and I don't have to wait another week, and hey, you finished your bike," I hug her resting my head just below her shoulder. Lucy bought a motorcycle she's trying to rebuild, I sort of helped her over the summer but I was pretty useless, just handing her the tools she needed and sitting in the driveway talking to her.

"I know you don't always bring lunch, do you want to get food before going to your place?"

"Sure, let's go get pizza, we can invite Morgan. I'm sure he wants to hang out with you too."

I text him the name of the pizza place we're going to, asking him to meet us there. Morgan still had to get to his car so we get there before he does and grab a table. When he gets here we fill Lucy in on the letters and I apologize for interrupting him earlier. We just hang out like we haven't as a group in a while. Eventually Morgan has to go home so Lucy and I head back to my house. The ride back is relatively short. My mom is still at work so it's just us and Grey and he mostly stays in his room. I just want to cuddle with her so we decide to watch a movie. 

"Do you want a pair of shorts to change into, I know you wore the jeans for the motorcycle but it's really hot and-"

"Yes, shorts would be great, and you're cute when you ramble."

"Ok, I'll be right back, or you can come up with me, actually, why don't you do that."

When we get upstairs we start talking about which movie to watch, "I can't believe we've been friends the whole time this movie has been out and you haven't seen it. Oh, hey Shaz," I rant at her before greeting the Savannah cat lying on my bed.

"Why would I have seen it, you never talk about it," she's followed into my room by Rags, our fluffy black cat who adores Lucy.

"Well I'm talking about it now so you're going to watch it," the movie in question is _Meet the Robinsons_ , only the second-best Disney movie, after _Mulan_ of course. _Lilo & Stitch_ is a close third though and Lucy has seen both of those. The main menu is up when we get back to the family room and Madex, Grey's pitbull is laying on the floor by the couch with Lex, my little Yorkie mix, laying on top of him.

I sit on the couch with my legs tucked underneath me in my usual spot and I curl into Lucy when she sits down next to me. Rags quickly finds his spot in Lucy's lap. I think he almost missed her more than I did. 

Eventually Grey emerges from his room about half-way through the movie. He has Roger, his bearded dragon on his shirt. "Hey Lucy," he doesn't look or sound surprised so I guess Mom must have told him, "D finally got you to watch that stupid movie?" 

"Hi Grey, it's not my favorite movie but I understand why she likes it," Lucy looks up to greet him. Madex gets up suddenly, dropping Lex on the floor when he hears his person's voice from the kitchen. 

"Sure," I respond, not looking up. And then he's throwing the bag at my head. "Really? _Really_?" He just smirks and retreats back to his room with his dragon and his dog. 

My mom gets home about an hour after the movie ends. We switched over to some sitcom, not really paying attention. Zeke, our third cat, runs to greet her when the door opens. My mom is her favorite person but I'm not sure why. 

After dinner, Lucy reminds me that I still haven't read the letter from my pen-pal. We curl back up together on the couch to read it together. 

"We have some of the same classes," and that's about it for what I have to say for Cam's letter. 

"You both have older siblings the same age," Lucy adds, always trying to find the good in things. 

"Hey Luce, weren't you writing to a girl named Roza last year? She's probably the same one mentioned in the letter. I don't imagine there are many Rozas spelled like that, much less in San Diego." 

"Yeah I think that's her, she texted me a few weeks ago about her girlfriend not looking forward to the letters." 

"Sounds like this is going to be a fun year for both of us then," I say sarcastically as I rest my head on Lucy's shoulder. By that point my mom has joined us on the couch to watch whatever show we were watching earlier. She's already seen it so it doesn't matter to her that it's in the middle of an episode. 

Lucy and I spend most of the weekend just being together. Sunday afternoon we go to a mall in Denver with Morgan and we eat dinner at Lucy's house before Morgan drives me home. I'm still coming back out next weekend so it's easier to say goodbye. 

9/10 

Monday in class Mr. Johnston asks us if we've read our letters and tells us to have our responses done by Wednesday so he can mail them. I'm not even sure what to write except tell Cam the same about myself. She didn't give me much to go off of, but I try. 

dear cam, sept 10 

unlike you, i'm actually excited for this project. my name is dylan, d for short. my best friend is morgan and he's really my only friend at school. lucy is my partner, but she lives in denver, about two hours away, we've been together for about six months, but we're not dating. i live with my brother, grey, he's also in his first year of college, and my mom, she's a nurse. we have two dogs, madex, grey's pitbull, and lex, my little yorkie mix, three cats, rags, a fluffy black cat, shaz, a savannah cat (we think), and zeke, a silver tabby, and grey also has a bearded dragon, roger. i'm in a biomedical tech class, creative writing, a.p. stats, english, and a.p. u.s. history. oh and i'm taking a college asl class for foreign language credit. i'm curious as to why you don't like this project, i think it's going to be really fun. is your drama class doing any productions? lucy's at a performing arts school where she does dance, i go see her dance concerts and we go to the theater shows together. her school did sound of music last year and her friend julia was brigietta (sp?). i hope you grow to like this project 

from, 

d 

9/19 

Logically I understand why it's been almost a month and we still haven't gotten letters yet, but it's annoying. I _am_ glad I don't have to write another letter yet though. 

This year Mrs. Alan put a stake and a little fake fire underneath for _The Crucible_. Auditions start tomorrow, they're held callback style because we all had to audition to get into the class. Lena and I are both auditioning for Mary Warren and Lena is also auditioning for Elizabeth Proctor. In class we've spent the past three weeks reading the play and talking about the various characters and getting familiar with the text. I hope I get Mary but I honestly wouldn't be disappointed with any role. 

Tomorrow we also get our return letters meaning Ms. Jacobs will want to send them Monday. I hate snail mail. 

Roza's birthday was a few weeks ago but this weekend she's finally having a party. She just turned 17 so I know all our friends will make sure that "Dancing Queen" is the only song that plays. 

Roza really likes jewelry so I got her a little bracelet that has different charms for different things we've done together. I also made a little book with pictures of us and our group. 

9/22 

The six of us meet Saturday afternoon at Roza's. I got there early to help set up and to get some alone time with her before everyone else gets here. 

"I read my letter last night. Her name is Dylan and she's actually excited about this. I don't know how, but she's also the type of person to have six pets so who knows." 

"Give it some time, Lucy, the girl I was partnered with last year, wasn't all that thrilled either, but look at us now." 

"Hang on, didn't you guys write to a performing arts school last year?" 

"Yeah, they rotate schools every year, why?" 

"I think your Lucy might be Dylan's Lucy." 

"Oh, I know, she texted me about it." 

"You jerk," I lean over to shove her shoulder and just laughs at me and then I start laughing, "it's not funny." 

It's kinda funny, what's the likelihood of me and Lucy being partners and then you and D being partners." 

"I can't believe you kept that from me, but do you think you could tell me about Dylan and Lucy's relationship? " 

"Well in January I got a letter where Lucy told me one of her best friends had come out to her, not looking for advice but just someone to talk to. She told me about the research she did. The best way I can describe it is like Hunter and Raven but less flirty." 

"But how can they have a relationship with no romance, that's not how relationships work." 

"Maybe not for you, but people would think that our relationship is weird so don't judge theirs without even getting to know Dylan. Now come on we have to finish setting up." 

"Fine, I'll get up." 

For most of the party we just sit around and talk which is usual for any of our get-togethers, party or not and it usually turns into some sort of game. One that we play often is paranoia. I'm not really sure where it came from, but we sit in a circle and someone whispers a question to the person next to them and they say the name of a person in the group out loud, but it can't be the person asking or answering the question. Then they flip a coin to decide if the question gets revealed to the rest of the group. 

We start it with Roza asking me a question, "Who is the most likely to say fuck it, and drop out of college?" 

Out loud I answer, "I don't know, none of us really, but Hunter, they seem the least put together." 

"Hey!" Hunter objects. "Actually no that's probably true." 

"Really? I would have said Jason, but okay." 

"Yeah I can see that, but I'm sticking with Hunter," I flip the coin and when we don't have to tell them the question they both try to get the question out of us. 

Then it's my turn to ask Lena and I ask her who she thinks is the most likely to go skydiving. Raven is the adrenaline junkie in our group so she's the obvious choice. We end up having to reveal the question and everyone agrees with Lena's answer. Lena's next to ask Jason so the rest of us make noise to cover the question. Jason's answer is also Raven but we don't get to know the question. We continue until everyone has been the answer several times and we've heard more of the questions than not but we're all still begging for the questions we were the answers to. 

Around 10:00 people start leaving, Hunter's parents pick them up first, and then Jason leaves and Rae heads out around 10:30 with Lena. Finally I have to go home before my parents start to worry. 

"Bye, I'll see you on Monday," Roza says as she walks me to the door. 

"Bye," I lean in to kiss her before I leave. 

9/23 

Sunday I write my response because Ms. Jacobs _does_ want them Monday to send after school. 

Despite my reluctance, Dylan does seem pretty cool, even if her relationship is weird, and she seems to be interested in me, asking about Drama, so we'll see how it goes. 

Dear Dylan, Sept 23 

I don't understand why you're excited for this. It's been a month since school started, so far History is just review and physics is pretty much the same thing we're learning in math. Drama's fun though, we're doing The Crucible to answer your question. We always do a play in the fall and a musical for spring. Last year we Peter and the Starcatcher and In the Heights. ITH was fun but we don't have the latino population in Drama to really pull it off. The upperclassmen always get all the good parts so I was just in the ensemble but Lena was Daniela, the woman who runs the hair salon in el barrio. Because I hadn't had my growth spurt yet last year, I was still pretty short so I played Molly, one of the leads in PatS, which was really cool as a sophomore and Lena was a mermaid. Auditions for The Crucible were Thursday and Friday so we won't know until at least Wednesday what the cast list is. 

I'm assuming by now you know that Lucy and Roza were partners last year, I think it's crazy, what are the odds. 

Also how crazy is your house since there are twice as many animals as there are people. I can bearly handle the three other people in my house. 

To answer your other question, I think these letters are stupid because the internet is so much faster and gets the same results, but also I'm content with the friends I have. 

From, 

Cam. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weekend plans and talk about theater.

9/15

Spending the weekend in Denver is nice, Lucy shows me the dances she's been working on, both in her ballet class and the hip-hop club she joined and it's damn impressive. Sunday afternoon she has a hip-hop rehearsal, I really like watching her rehearsals.

9/17

In class Monday Mr. Johnston says there's still another week until we get return letters. At least we didn't have to wait a month.

I like my history teacher, she doesn't whitewash history or make it male-centric, she talks about all the flaws of historical figures as well as their accomplishments, it's great. At the same time, we've also already had a test.

Biotech is really fun, even if it is mostly seniors who want an easy "A". We're learning about all kinds of patents and copyrights right now which isn't the most fun, but learning how they're used is really interesting.

I have an off period because of ASL but because I can't drive I just do homework in the library. ASL classes started before the high school classes so I actually know a decent amount. I'm excited because Lucy's taking an ASL class in Denver so we can kind of talk to each other. Mostly it's things we already know so it's just practice.

I really like creative writing, there's always so much going on in my head it's nice that I have a place to let it out. Most of my stories I either send to Lucy or read them to her. It's kind of silly and stupid but it's fun.

I don't really like English, well I don't like writing essays but the rest of it is okay. We're learning about words and their meanings which is kind of boring and we have to write an essay about a word that describes us.

Stats is fun, it wasn't at the beginning though, it was just definitions, but now we're learning formulas and how to analyze data.

Most days at lunch Morgan and I call Lucy, next Wednesday though we're going to a GSA meeting. Club Rush is this week and next week most clubs are starting. I forced Morgan to join with me, even though this will be my third year in the club and I know most of the members, I think he secretly enjoys going though.

9/26

The first meeting is always fun, everyone going around saying their name, pronouns, sexuality, and some other random fact. This year it's favorite movie. One of the little freshmen who's sitting near the front gets to go first.

"Oh, uh, my name is Emily, my pronouns are she/her or they/them, I don't really care, I'm queer and my favorite movie is _War Games_ ," which is surprising from her, her voice is so small and she looks very quiet overall, but that might just be because she was put on the spot.

"My name is Ollie, I'm genderfluid and today my pronouns are he/him, I'm bi and my favorite movie is _Legally Blonde_ ," I think he's also a freshman, I haven't seen him before but he might just not have come to a meeting before.

A couple more people go and then it's my turn, "I'm D, most of you probably already know me, she/her, aromantic, and right now my favorite movie is _Meet the Robinsons_ ," Morgan smirks at me because he knows why, I just like hanging out with Lucy, it's not my fault.

"Morgan, he/him, straight ally, and my favorite movie is _Lion King_ ," I immediately know why he picked it, it was the first movie that him, Lucy, and I watched together and now I feel kind of selfish in my choice. I lean into his shoulder to let him know I understand his choice. Finally we get back around and we just hang out for the rest of lunch.

Just a couple more days until we get our letters. Morgan is pretty excited, he actually has stuff in common with his pen pal, Robin. I don't expect Cam's letter to be more than a page, but I guess I'll see when it gets here.

Morgan talks me into going to see _Crazy Rich Asians_ on Friday and my compromise is him going skating with me Saturday. I used to be really into roller skating, I took lessons when I was little but now I just go for fun. I like taking Morgan because he looks like Bambi, of course when Lucy goes she looks as graceful as ever but I can still skate circles around them. Lucy doesn't understand how I'm so graceful on skates but manage to trip over air when there aren't wheels strapped to my feet.

9/29

 _Crazy Rich Asians_ was really good, it was funny and I love a lot of the actors in it. The two plot lines were a little confusing though.

Roller skating was also really fun, I haven't been in a while. We stayed for a couple of hours, just skating around and overheating. I forgot how much I missed it, I might have to start coming more often. Next time I see Lucy I'm going to make her go.

9/30

I wake up early Sunday morning and I grab Rags and go to the family room to call Lucy, she doesn't pick up which isn't surprising because of the time. I lay down on the couch with Rags on my chest and my headphones plugged into my laptop, listening to music. Eventually I fall back asleep and wake up a few hours later to Rags launching himself off my stomach. I check my phone and see that there is a voicemail from Lucy.

7:30: " _Hey D, sorry I missed your call, I was still asleep, you're probably asleep now though. Call me when you wake up for real._ "

That was almost two hours ago. I sit up and walk to the kitchen for some water while I call Lucy back.

"Hey."

"Hey," I probably sound really tired.

"What was so important that you had to call me at 6:30 this morning?"

"Nothing really, I just wanted to talk."

"Okay, how's your story coming along?"

"Really good, I think you'll like Alyssa and Jordan's relationship."

"How will I know if I never get to read it," and she says it in a way that I know she would have bumped her shoulder into mine if she were here. We continue talking for half an hour until Lucy has to go to rehearsal.

I pull up the soundtrack for _Legally Blonde_ and wander into the kitchen to start making waffles.

Eventually Grey stumbles in, Madex on his heels and he grabs a waffle off the plate and starts eating before grabbing another piece and putting it on a plate with a fork, I figure he's taking it to Mom in her room, probably with Zeke. The rest of the weekend passes relatively quietly, plus Grey makes dinner and doesn't burn anything.

10/2

Tuesday we finally get the letters and Cam actually wrote more than I was expecting, but I guess people like talking about themselves. By Thursday we're supposed to have our responses, I guess Mr. Johnston figured that it doesn't or shouldn't take more than two days to write our responses.

dear cam, oct 3

i'm excited for this because i'm pretty introverted but i like meeting new people. this is a good way for me to meet a new person with no human interaction.

honestly, i know more about musicals than i do about plays but we're reading the crucible in english right now. i hope you get the part you want. i haven't heard of peter and the starcatcher but i'll look it up. lucy probably knows what it is, and yes i did know about lucy and roza, there is about a 0.1% chance of that happening, i really like stats. in the heights sounds like it was fun, even with the casting issue, i would have loved to see it.

my house can get kinda insane sometimes but i'm never lonely, there's always a pet to hang out with. plus they're great writing inspo, they all have great personalities. i can send you some of my writing some time if you want. right now i'm writing a story, well fanfiction, about my favorite book, it's Lucy's favorite too, where it ends.

from,

d

9/26

Wednesday the cast list is up on the door to the PAC. At lunch Lena and I go check it out and to both of our complete surprise Lena gets Abigail, the lead and I actually got Mary. We both take a picture of the list so we have photographic evidence and wander back to our friends. Predictably they're all excited for us, we both know that getting leads now means that we won't likely be getting leads in the musical but neither of us cares.

10/11

The next two weeks are so hectic with rehearsals I almost forget about the letters. Roza makes sure I don't forget though, she reminds me that Dylan's next letter is coming tomorrow, and then I'm reminded again by Ms. Jacobs fifth period. Sometimes it's annoying that Roza still talks to Lucy because she always knows everything before me, but sometimes I envy it because clearly she has a better relationship with Lucy than I do with Dylan. She did say that Lucy wasn't into it at first though so maybe it'll get better.

Today in Drama we're working on scene three, it's one of my favorite scenes, the courtroom scene is so much fun, getting to scream at Lena, pretending to see things that aren't there. Ms. Jacobs doesn't want us to actually scream yet, she probably a) doesn't want to scare the neighboring classrooms and b) doesn't want to hear us screaming for a month and a half. She says we'll do it fully during tech week, still three weeks away.

Roza got a job nannying 20 hours a week. She really likes kids so it's a good job for her. There's a college student who watches the little girl in the morning and they get to leave when she gets there. I don't really get kids, they're better once they reach like nine or ten, they're more independent. She's usually there until seven when Lexi, the little girl's, mom gets home. I want to get a job at a police station, I like trying to solve puzzles. Maybe I can get a job filing or something. My mom's been bugging me to get a job so I might check it out.

As Roza predicted we get our letters during English and we have to have our responses by Monday.

10/12

I figure Friday after rehearsal would be a good day to check out jobs at the police department. I found a cadet program on their website but I missed the first meeting so I have to wait until next month. It sounds really fun and I'm excited to join.

I don't really have any weekend plans so I ask Sara if she wants to go to the mall with me on Saturday.

"Sure, I just got paid, why not? I'm driving though."

"Control freak," I shoot back at her.

"No, you just barely have your license, I'm not getting in a car with you driving."

"Like I said, control freak."

10/13

It's nice getting to spend the day with my sister, even if I want to kill her 90% of the time.

We start on the third floor of the Fashion Valley mall. Of course, the first store that she wants to go to is Victoria Secret.

"If you're getting something for Taylor I don't want to know, I'll be in the food court," Taylor is her boyfriend. He lives an hour away and he lives in a dorm on campus so she usually goes to see him.

In the food court there's a little kiosk with the latest food trend, frozen candy that makes it so you can blow "smoke" so I get one and wait for Sara to be done so I can drag her to Build-a-Bear. We used to love it when we were little so maybe I can talk her into buying one with me to put in our room.

"Hey Sara," my voice lifting in a question when she emerges with her bag, "did you have to do the pen pal letters when you were a junior?"

"No, but Jordan did, why?" Jordan is her best friend, they met in sixth grade and have been pretty inseparable since.

"Because I'm so different from Dylan and I don't know how I'm going to find enough in common to talk for a whole year. And Roza's no help, she still texts her pen pal."

"Give it some time, I'm sure you'll find more in common than you think, but also I know you, make sure you ask her about herself and don't just talk about yourself the whole year."

"Ugh, fine, now come on and make a stuffed animal with me."

I let her pick the animal if I get to pick the clothes and we leave with a fox dressed as Moana. We continue through the rest of the mall to the Disney Store, Q, See's Candy, and a stationary store that I can never remember the name of, leaving mostly empty-handed. I got a couple of notebooks and Sara got some chocolate and then we head home.

I force Sara to watch Moana with me after dinner with our fox. She thinks it's stupid but humors me anyway.

10/14

Sunday I write my letter and contemplate what would happen if I didn't write it. Would I have to write it in class? I would never actually do it, I care about my grade too much.

Dear Dylan, Oct 14

Still not using capitals I see. I got the part of Mary which is really fun and Lena got Abigail.

I would like to read your writing sometime if you want to send it. Sara told me I should ask more about you because I like talking about myself.

Could you explain more about your relationship with Lucy, Roza tried to explain it to me but I just don't get it. I'm ace so I get that part but I don't understand how you can not have feelings, love is a basic human emotion. (If this is too personal I get it and you don't have to answer.)

Does Lucy live in a different city, you mentioned that she goes to a performing arts school and I don't imagine that a smaller town like Avon would have a school like that. (Yes I know that I could just ask Roza but I'm trying to get to know you.) If she does how do you make it work?

From,

Cam.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New friends and Halloween.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this was supposed to be up yesterday but I've lost all concept of time so here it is.

10/19

Friday night Mom drives me to Lucy’s. She doesn’t like Lucy’s “death trap”, what she calls the motorcycle. I don’t know why she didn’t let me drive myself out here. Now she either has to come back to get me or Lucy is driving me back on her motorcycle. Tomorrow night we’re going to see _The Hunchback of Notre Dame_ at Lucy’s school. Tonight though we’re making pizzas with her parents. Last year for Christmas my mom got me a little stuffed cat that I take every time I got to Lucy’s, she told me that she keeps one at her house in case I forget mine. I’ve never liked staying away from home but I don’t mind as much with Lucy.

I haven’t had a great week this week so once the pizzas are in the oven Lucy proposes watching _Brave_. Lucy doesn’t have any pets so my stuffed cat, Arlo, rests on my legs after I curl into Lucy’s side. The movie isn’t over when dinner is ready but her parents let us eat in the family room. Lucy’s parents join us so we migrate to the big armchair with our food and let her parents have the couch.

10/20

Saturday there’s a little pride festival that we go to. It’s starting to cool off a little bit but it’s not bad. There are so many booths set up when we get there, high school GSAs, colleges, even churches. I’ll be satisfied if I leave with an aro flag. One of the tables has one of those balloon dart games and I somehow miss the board two out of three times and the third dart bounces harmlessly off the balloon, at least I still get candy. Of course Lucy hits two-thirds of the balloons because she never seems to fail at anything but I watch as she grabs an aro flag to give to me. More booths than not are giving out candy and a couple are giving out free hugs. Of the four booths selling flags none have an aro flag which isn’t that surprising but Lucy is able to buy a lesbian flag, I think it’s really cool that they have the newer one, the one that wasn’t created by an exclusionist and bigot. And then the vendor asks if I’m her girlfriend and Lucy says no but then I start wondering if she wishes I were her girlfriend, if she wants more than what we have.

“D,” I don’t hear her. “Dylan.”

“Huh.”

“Let’s go get food, we can talk.”

We walk a couple of blocks away from the festival and find a coffee shop to get food and drinks from. We order and go sit down with our food while we wait for our drinks.

“Hey. what’s wrong?”

“What, nothing,” it’s useless to deny it, Lucy can see right through me.

“You don’t have to tell me but please don’t spiral.”

“I’ll talk about it tomorrow, I want today to be about pride and the show.”

“Tomorrow.”

I start breaking small pieces of my scone off to pop in my mouth, before breaking off a slightly larger piece to give to Lucy as she hands me a bite of her cake. Soon enough our names are called for our drinks and we take them back to our table and talk.

Once we’re done with our food we take our drinks and walk back to the festival. We wander back through and talk to a couple of organizations we didn’t the first time through. Eventually we have to head back to get ready for the show.

“Hey, my parents are out at dinner, want to join me in the shower?” She’s wearing a flannel because she’s that gay so I start unbuttoning it in lieu of an answer. Before I get a chance to push it off her shoulders though she stops me. “You know how this works, verbal answers and no, staring at me through your eyelashes won’t work either.”

“Fine yes, now can I undress you?”

“Only if I get to return the favor,” and immediately my hands go back to her shirt and hers go to the many, too many in my opinion, buttons on my jeans.

\-----

“Come on Lucy, we’re going to be late.”

“And whose fault is that?”

“Yours, definitely yours.”

“No, it was yours,” Lucy tries to argue.

“Who was the one who wanted to shower together, that _definitely_ wasn’t in the interest of saving time,” at that she gives in and then mumbles something about not getting to eat dinner. “You can eat when we get back, maybe next time you won’t take so long to get ready.”

Lucy’s wearing a dress so we have to take her dad’s car.

10/21

Sunday I talk to Lucy like I told her I would. I talk to her about my fears that she wants more than I do.

“Hey, D, I knew what I was getting into when I asked you out if I am unhappy I will tell you.”

“Thank you,” I lay my head in her lap and let her card her fingers through my hair. I must fall asleep because then Lucy is waking me up to tell me that Grey is here to pick me up. I hug Lucy and I tell her I’ll see her next weekend.

dear cam, oct 24

capitals are stupid, i only use them for class work. congrats on ~~getting~~ your parts i hope rehearsals are going well. i don’t have any writing i can send now but i will with my next letter.

i understand why ~~w~~ you would be confused about me and lucy. i’m actually not ace, sorry to confuse you even more. i have feelings, i feel love but it’s a different kind of love than you have for roza. i love lucy in a way not dissimilar to how you love your friends.

lucy lives in denver, she moved four years ago. we usually meet on weekends, i spent the past two weekends in denver but this weekend lucy is coming here.

there are questions that i don’t answer but i don’t mind most questions. if it helps you to understand more about the world around you then i’m okay with any questions you have. (within reason)

i hope your show goes well, i look forward to your next letter.

from,  
d

10/30

Tomorrow is Halloween and because tech week is next week I don’t have to stay late for rehearsals yet. Roza is getting off early tomorrow because Lexi’s parents want to take her trick-or-treating before it gets too late. Apparently the college kid is Lexi’s other parent and they are skipping their second class of the day for family time. I’ve been prepping my costume for like a month. We decided to do a group costume this year, we’re doing Marvel characters. I’m going to be Scarlet Witch even though my hair is blonde. Roza decided on Black Widow though because her hair is red. I’m not sure what the rest of the group is doing. I’m sure I’ll find out tomorrow.

I chose the _Age of Ultron_ version because it’s easier, but I wanted to sew the jacket to make sure it looks right, the dress was pretty easy to find. Roza’s never been one to try too terribly hard so she’s just wearing black jeans and a black long sleeve v-neck she taped the SHIELD logo to the sleeves. She says the red hair will make it clear who she is but I’m not sure, I was telling her she needed a utility belt but she didn’t think it was necessary.

10/31

When I make it to lunch the next day I figure out the rest of the costumes. Jason decided to be the most basic Marvel character ever, Spiderman, sans mask because the school doesn’t allow masks. Hunter’s is very confusing, they’re wearing a purple jumpsuit/romper type thing that has a black V on the chest. They’re normally curly dark hair is straight and down, unlike their normal braid. 

“What on Earth are you supposed to be?”

“I’m Xavin from _Runaways_ ,” we all give them blank stares, “guys I’ve been talking about this forever.” They pull up a picture on their phone to show us. It’s a drawing of a girl wearing an outfit similar to Hunter’s. Some of the other pictures indicate that Xavin is a shapeshifter and that is probably why Hunter chose that costume. 

Lena and Raven seem to understand each other’s costumes but haven’t filled the rest of us in yet.

“I’m Bobbi, a badass with a bo staff. She’s from _Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. _, so is Lena’s.”__

__“Yo-Yo can travel in a heartbeat but she always ends up back where she started. Plus she’s got robot arms.” None of us noticed at first because Lena’s right arm normally looks robotic but today she’s painted her other arm so that it matches her prosthetic._ _

__“So we’ve got a witch, an inhuman, an alien, two badasses and a spidey,” Roza tallies._ _

__“Hey,” Jason objects, “Spiderman is a badass.”_ _

__“If you say so, at least the rest of us picked less popular costumes, be original,” Lena fires back._ _

__“What’s the plan for tonight,” I try pulling attention away from the other two knowing they’ll go at it given the chance._ _

__“Aren’t we going trick-or-treating, we’re all at most 17, so it’s still socially acceptable,” Hunter says. “Ro, we’re meeting at your house right?”_ _

__“Yeah 7:00,” she turns to me, “your coming over after work right?”_ _

__I nod my assent and then lean my head on her shoulder. Hunter and Raven are mirroring us across the table. I’m thinking that they’re on again after their break over summer. About 10 minutes later Roza shrugs me off, stating she needs to use her arm to eat._ _

__Around 5:30 Roza picks me up and we pour the candy into a bowl. We watch Halloween episodes of TV shows periodically handing out candy to the little rugrats that come by._ _

__By the time everyone else has shown up Roza’s parents are home to take over handing out candy. Roza’s house is in the middle of the street so we start off in one direction and cross the street at the end of the block. We get refused at a couple of houses on the grounds of “being too old to trick-or-treat” and “stealing candy from the children” but most houses were happy to see we were still having fun._ _

__Because its a school night we’re not allowed to hang out after so I sort through the candy I don’t want to give to my friends tomorrow. I sort out the licorice, butterfingers, and reese’s, no one seems to understand my dislike of peanut butter and chocolate. They’re good on their own but no one should have ever put them together._ _

__11/2_ _

__We’ve been off book since last week but on Monday, since tech is starting we don’t get line-call anymore. Officially tech starts on Saturday but we’re doing cue-to-cue, getting all the lights for the first time, and setting the sound effects on Sunday._ _

__The worst thing about cue-to-cue, aside from all the stop and go, is having to be at school on a Saturday morning, so I’m not looking forward to that tomorrow. We got our letters yesterday and I think that Dylan probably enjoyed getting to talk about herself. I know that I’m not going to have time this weekend to write a response so I have to write it tonight after rehearsal. I could do it in the dressing room over the weekend but there aren’t any tables and it’s always so crowded._ _

__After school as we’re walking to rehearsal Lena’s talking to me about the letters, “How’s writing to the stranger going?”_ _

__“Eh, Sara reminded me to not just talk about myself so it’s going better than it was.” I don’t tell her that I haven’t actually read Dylan’s answers to my questions yet though so it could actually be worse._ _

__By the end of rehearsal I’ve only had to call line twice so I’ll definitely be good by Monday. Lena and I talk about tech week or as we like to affectionately call it, Hell Week. Currently everything seems to be going well but we both know that it can all change when we add everything in._ _

__Dear Dylan, Nov 2_ _

__Rehearsals have been going well, we’re about to start tech though so everything might go to hell._ _

__If you’re not ace what are you? (sorry if this comes off as offensive, I don’t mean it to be.) Also that sucks about Lucy, I don’t know what I would do if Roza lived 2 hours away._ _

__What do you like to do for fun, besides writing. I hang  
out with my friends a lot but it’s hard to find ^a time ~~for all of us~~ when all of us are free. We all went out trick-or-treating for Halloween, we were all Marvel characters. Did you dress up for Halloween? I’ll include a picture of all of us ~~with~~ dressed up with this letter. Jason, as the only guy should be easy to spot, is spiderman, Lena is the one with robot arms, she was some character from Agents of SHIELD, so was Raven, the one with the dark hair in all black. Hunter was a character from Runaways, they’re the one in purple and black. I was Scarlett Witch and Roza was Black Widow (do you agree that she needed to do more for her costume)_ _

__If you don’t get a response in a couple weeks its because I died during tech._ _

__From,  
Cam._ _


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be the last chapter for a while, I'm currently working on chapter 6 and it will be up as soon as possible.

11/4

I wake up at what seems to be the normal time until I roll over and see that it’s only seven. I curl into Lucy’s side to steal as much warmth as possible with the Colorado winter setting in. My movement wakes her up and she turns to face me.

“Good morning,” she mumbles. As my hands draw patterns on her back she wakes up more.

“Good morning, it’s early enough that we can make biscotti and still eat around 10:00 if we get up now.”

“Or...we could sleep in and make German pancakes.”

“That sounds like a better plan, look even Shaz thinks so,” I point out as she slides down at the foot of my bed.

The next time we get up it’s nine. We head into the kitchen. Lucy’s been making German pancakes since she was like five. I text Morgan to see if we wants to come over for breakfast. “Hell yes” is his answer when he finds out what we’re making.

Fifteen minutes later we’re downstairs and Morgan is texting me that he’s here.

I open the door and he’s in jeans and a t-shirt looking over my more casual pjs. “Y’know you could’ve told me I didn’t have to get dressed,” he says as he leans down to pet Shaz who is winding her body through his legs.

“I thought the fact that I texted you at 9 a.m. implied that pajamas were encouraged. Yes Lex, you’ll get attention too, stop jumping.” Rags is watching from his perch in the kitchen, he’s always had a mild distrust of men, Grey is the exception, and even though he’s met Morgan plenty of times he keeps his distance.

Back in the kitchen Lucy is seamlessly moving between all the bowls of batter. “Dylan can you get out the three pie pans.”

I grumble something about Lucy being taller as I grab the step stool from under the sink. “Morgan come help me please, I can’t hold all these.” He comes over and I start handing him the glass dishes that are on top of the glass pie pans I need. I hand him down the first two and grab the third as I step down from the stool.

Morgan puts the butter in the pans as I set the temperature on the oven.

Half-an-hour later I grab Grey (and Madex) from his room to cut lemons while I set the table.

11/7

Wednesday is the best day of the week. I’ve been getting to know some of the freshmen in GSA, Ollie, who is actually a sophomore, has been sitting with us, they transferred this year and we’ve been getting along pretty well. I’ve been making a habit of trying to ask them their pronouns every day, usually they’re wearing a pin or a necklace with that days pronouns, or pronoun set but sometimes they’re not. Today Ollie walks over wearing a navy shirt tucked into a black skirt and a she/her pin affixed to the waist of the skirt.

“Hey Ollie, you’re hair is really cute today,” Morgan tells her.

“Thanks, it was in a braid last night,” she tells him as her cheeks turn pink. The smile she gives him makes his face match hers.

I nudge him and whisper, “we’re going to talk about this on the way home.”  
For the rest of the meeting Morgan sits between me and Ollie and I’m pretty sure they’re holding hands under the table.

“Look I know I’m aro but even I know there’s something going on between you and Ollie,” I start talking as soon as we’re in the car.

“Ok, jumping right in. Well this conversation is going to take longer than the duration of the ride home so why don’t we just hang out at my place, you can probably even stay for dinner.”

“Cool, let me just text my mom.”

“I really like Ollie, which is confusing, because up until this year I thought that I was straight but I’m still attracted to her when she’s masculine presenting.”

“Ok, well have you told her any of this? Ollie’s understanding.”

“I know, but I’m worried about losing one of the only close friends I have.”

“Well, then let’s call Lucy when we get to yours, then you’ll have your other close friend to provide some guidance, pretty sure Lucy thought she was straight too. Although it’s fine if you are straight, I won’t disown you as a friend.”

“Gee thanks,” I can hear him rolling his eyes, “but yeah, calling Lucy would be nice.”

To: Lucy  
3:00: i’m going to call in a few. morgan needs to talk

“Lucy, I need help,” she barely has any time to answer the phone before Morgan starts whining.

“Well hello to you too. What’s going on?”

“Ollie’s hot and I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been attracted to guys before. I know that Ollie’s not a guy all the time but it’s still weird.”

“This is the same Ollie you met,” I clarify.

“Yeah, totally hot,” Lucy agrees, she’s only ever met Ollie once when she was masculine presenting but she knows Olllie is genderfluid. “In my experience, it's best to just go for it, talk things out, and see what happens, it worked for me.”

“Thanks babe.”

“Thanks Lucy, I’m still not sure about asking her out but I do feel a little better.”

“Always glad to help, I’ve gotta go though, I have rehearsal in 10.”

dear cam, nov 15

i’m very very gay. girls are very pretty. i just don’t have any interest in dating them. break a leg during tech (even though you’ll get this after opening)

i like baking, usually i make breakfast every weekend. if i’m at home morgan usually comes over to steal some food and hang out. lucy likes to help me bake too, she’s been baking since she was really little.

i dressed up as artemis from greek mythology and morgan was a sexy cat, not at school obviously but when we went out, it was so funny seeing everyone’s reactions. ollie, a friend we made in gsa, was a peacock, he made his own feathers. i’ll add a picture of our group too. lucy won’t be in it but she was a devil. (i wouldn’t have known who roza’s costume was if you hadn’t said it)

lena’s arms are really cool, is she ore someone in your friend group an artist?

please don’t die during tech, i like corrosponding with you. let me know how your show goes. please have roza text lucy if your school is streaming it, we’d all like to see it.

from,  
d

11/8

Tech week wasn’t actually all that bad, aside from everyone getting sick. Tonight is opening which is really exciting. Our last run through was terrifying because I was convinced that I forgot all my lines. Lena reminded me that I always think that every show and I have never actually forgotten my lines. Lena’s probably my closest friend, I’m friendly with most of the drama kids but we just gravitated toward each other.

There’s a small speaker in the dressing room so we know when we need to be backstage. Usually Lena and I sit in a corner talking waiting for our scenes. For this show we’re not both in the dressing room at the same time so we just talk before the show. There’s no cell service in the theater so I always bring a book with me for when there’s down time.

Because it’s opening night and a Thursday I don’t expect any of my friends to be here. Sara said she would show up tonight though. During act two I quickly go over some of the lines from the courtroom scene that I have trouble with. As the courtroom scene starts Lena and I stand off-stage together, mentally preparing for the climax. Actually performing it is pretty much a blur and then i’m off-stage as Sam, another girl in drama, goes on for the last scene and then we’re doing bows. Lena and I quickly change out of our costumes to go out and see everyone. Lena’s much more friendly than me, she says hi to everyone who’s there that she has ever shared a class with, meanwhile I just hang off to the side with Sara and Taylor who she managed to talk into coming.

“Good job Cam, you did great!” Taylor tells me as he hands me a rose, “Sara picked out the flower, said you would like the white more than the traditional red.”

“And she would be right, thanks Sar. It means a lot that you came, I know theater isn’t really your thing.”

“Anything for the world’s most annoying sister. Where’s Lena, we got a rose for her too.”

“Saying ‘hi’ to half the audience, she seems to know everyone.”

“I don’t know how the friendless wonder, aka you, manages to be friends with the friendliest person on the planet.”

“Gee thanks Tay, Sara must be rubbing off on you. Lena should be over soon.”

Lena finally makes her way over to us. “Lena, that was fantastic.”

“Thanks Sara,” Lena turns to me, “I’m ready if you are, I just need to grab my bag.”

11/10

Closing night was so fun, it was our most high energy show. Because it’s Saturday night our friends come to see if, well most of them anyway, Jason has work. I have so much energy performing knowing all my friends are watching. Also closing has its own sort of energy and we’re all buzzing backstage. Again most of the show is blur, but we’re all trying not to cry during bows. After bows we go backstage to change out of our costumes for the last time before going to find our friends.

Most of the cast brings clothes to change into but I just stay in my shorts and leotard, it’s too hot to wear real clothes. Lena usually brings an oversized t-shirt to put on when we go greet people. My parents are also here tonight. They’re talking to Roza by the time we make it out. I hug my parents first and then make the rounds of my friends after Lena.

“You guys were great,” Hunter tells us, “I kept looking for the bird even though I knew it wasn’t there.”

“Thank you guys for coming,” as Lena finishes talking we’re both being pulled back on stage for photos with the rest of the cost. We still try talking to them from the stage but eventually it gets late enough that they gave to leave and we have to start strike.

Most of what strike entails is disassembling the set pieces and making sure that all the costume pieces make it back to the shop, also cleaning out the dressing rooms.

11/21

I’m so glad we get the full week off for Thanksgiving, a whole week where I don’t have to see anybody I don’t want to. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving but my friends and I are having Friendsgiving today. It’s not really all that different from our usual hang outs though, Hunter hosted this time. It’s always weird going to their house because they aren’t out at home. Luckily their parents don’t bother us too much but we have to be careful about what we say.

As usual it’s a potluck, I’m not great at cooking so I just grab a bag of chips and a container of the sugar cookies that everyone seems to like on my way over.

I’m the last one to get there but everything looks really good. There’s something with meat in it though, that I’m not really sure what it is.

I grab a plate and put a little bit of everything on it and walk over to sit next to Roza. She leans her head on my shoulder as I start eating. They’re in the middle of some card games so I watch, giving Roza advice from the sidelines, most of our friends are used to it by now so they don’t object.

After I sit back down, after throwing my plate away I put my arm around Roza’s waist and lean against her. A few minutes later she’s pulling away, still sitting next to me but not as close.

I lean over, “Are you okay?” Just quiet enough that our friends can’t overhear.

“Yeah, I’m just hot.”

“Okay,” I don’t think she’s telling the truth, it’s pretty cold in Hunter’s house, it always is, but I’m not going to push, she’ll tell me when she’s ready. I hope.

11/26

Of course when we get back the first thing Ms. Jacobs does is give us our letters, can’t we have just one day of reprieve.

Reading Dylan’s letter I just can’t fathom how her brain works, how can she want to sleep with someone she has no feelings for. Even my ace brain knows that sex means love, and if it doesn’t, well I don’t know but it’s not normal. Maybe for college students and young adults but we’re not even out of high school yet, how can this be something she already knows. Love is the most important, basic feeling in the world, everything revolves around love.

I don’t know who I can talk to about this, Roza got so touchy the last time I brought this up to her but there isn’t really anyone else that would understand. Raven might, at the very least she’ll probably hear my side of the story. 

I know it’s best to not bring it up with Dylan but I don’t know what I’m going to talk about, the most interesting thing that happened was the play. She seemed interested enough so I’ll fill her in.

I guess the only way I’m gonna get this done is if I actually start writing and not just contempla it. 

Dear Dylan, Nov 27  
I didn’t die during tech. I almost did though, In convives that the director sometimes forgets during tech that we’re real people. Other than that though the show went really well. Finally getting to do everything full out and in costume was amazing, even if it was very stressful. 

Now that the show is over we’re doing short little scenes in class. We’re writing them in groups and we’re going to perform them for our final. 

How was your Thanksgiving, most of my family lives here so our family holidays are really fun, if a little overwhelming at times. I go to see ^some of my cousins for the first time since last Christmas. Do you have any of those cousins that you can go years without seeing but it’s like nothing’s changed?

To answer your question, one of Lena’s arms is a prosthetic, she 3D printed it, she used the same design to make the other sleeve for her costume. Lena’s really into engineering, it’s what she wants to do next year in college, well that and theater. Right now she’s trying to make ~~it~~ her arm more functional, right now she can ~~pick~~ sort of pick things up with it. 

From,  
Cam.


End file.
